What is self-compassion and how could it help me at work?

The words self-compassion can evoke all kinds of associations – most humans can relate to the compassion we naturally feel towards another living creature who is suffering – we are moved by their pain and drawn towards wanting to comfort them and let them know they aren’t alone. However, for most of us this isn’t as intuitive a response towards our own pain and difficulties. In fact, in the face of our own setbacks, mistakes, foibles and failures, often the inner critic rears its head, adding blame, regret, guilt and shame to the picture.

The idea of being self-compassionate in the workplace might at first glance seem counterintuitive – wouldn’t this make me less motivated?  More complacent or even self-indulgent?  Would others see me as weak or self-pitying?  These common myths of self-compassion have been debunked by an increasing body of research, largely influenced by the founders of the Center for Mindful Self-Compassion, Dr. Kristin Neff and Dr. Chris Germer.

Neff created the ‘self-compassion break’ – a three step process to offer ourselves self-compassion in inevitable moments of being an imperfect human in the world:

1.      Acknowledge to yourself that you are having a rough time - the first step is to notice, name, and become aware of what is happening and how you are feeling.

2.      Common humanity – remind yourself that struggling, mistakes, failure and suffering makes you human and you are not alone, you can feel connected to others through this difficult experience.

3.      Choose to respond towards yourself and the situation in a way that is kind, as you would suggest to a close friend or family member going through the same thing – this may involve offering soothing comforting words to your injured parts or doing something to feel better; OR it may be a more active and strong response such as motivating yourself to complete an important task, radically accepting an undesirable outcome, setting a boundary, or having a difficult conversation.  

Greater levels of self-compassion have been overwhelmingly associated with emotional wellbeing in empirical studies.  Moreover, self-compassion is connected to behaviours that are likely to be beneficial in the workplace such as reductions in procrastination (Sirois, 2014) and ability to learn from failure rather than be paralysed by it (Zhang & Chen, 2016).  People who are more self-compassionate recover from setbacks and failures more quickly, as they tend to respond in ways that support their recovery or resolution of the situation and avoid criticizing themselves in ways that can keep them stuck.

Self-compassion skills can be taught and practiced regularly to experience the benefits in our personal and work lives.  So next time you find yourself regretting something you said in a work meeting, aren’t successful in a job interview or promotion, or are procrastinating on a task close to deadline, give the ‘self-compassion break’ a go and see what unfolds.

Keen to know more?  Have a look at our Introduction to Self-Compassion workshop for your team.